Alternate Reality
by arukas03
Summary: A continuation of the alternate reality featured in Ep. 26 of the NGE series. Contains much stupidity.
1. Default Chapter

This is a continuation of the alternate reality exhibited in Neon Genesis Evangelion. That's right, not just any alternate reality, this is the alternate reality.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, GAINAX do. So send all the letter bombs to them. I'm not making any money out of this, unless you want to pay me that is. Oh, and don't sue me. This fic does have a rating, M 15+ I'm afraid to say. Adult themes are present if you know what I mean.  
  
Our story takes over immediately after the series cuts out.  
  
**************************************Finger cramp********************  
  
"What are you his girlfriend or something!?" Rei said. Asuka looked like she'd just been slapped. "What did you say to me!" she replied. "Hey you two, we're in a class!" Hikari attempted to bring order to the class. "Ah hell, this is way more interesting then class." Sensei Misato said. "Shinji!" The two girls yelled at the same time. "What?" he asked. "Which one of us would you rather date?" Shinji almost fell backwards off his seat. "How am I supposed to answer that?" He protested. Misato leaned forward over Shinji's desk, giving him a wonderful view. "Simple, you can go out with me!" With that Misato scooped Shinji up in her arms and jumped out the window. She could be seen jumping over roofs in the distance, cackling madly.  
  
Shinji awoke to a gentle voice calling his name. Apparently, he had fallen off the back of his chair. He had been watching way too much Ranma ½ if that was his dream though. "Baka, you are so clumsy." He appeared to be in Asuka's arms. A very nice place to be I might add. "Ouch, my head hurts." He complained. Asuka smiled down at him and the two drew slowly closer until their faces were mere millimetres apart. Shinji felt Asuka's warm breath against his face. "Ok, everyone back to your seats." Misato said. Shinji and Asuka groaned. Some teachers just had no respect for sentimental moments. They would never voice their objections though; stubborn pride among other things forced them to stay well away from that kind of stuff.  
  
Lunchtime came with dynamo speed as all things that people are desperately waiting for do (For those of you who are stupid, I was being sarcastic.). As Shinji made his way out to sit under the tree though, he felt a presence behind him. He turned around with a flash, but was relieved to only see the new girl standing behind him. "Uh, hi. You're Rei aren't you?" Shinji said. Rei (formerly the new girl) nodded and took another step forward. "And you're Shinji Ikari." She replied as she took another step forward. Shinji nodded and smiled. He had often been told he had a killer smile, a real head turner. It was obviously working today, because as soon as he opened his eyes, he was knocked to the floor by Rei's lips. She lay on top of him, kissing him deeply while Shinji lay there, powerless and without reason to stop her. As a shadow fell over them though, Shinji's mind decided it was time for action. Rei moved first. "You can't have him, he's mine!" She shouted. When Shinji looked up, he saw Asuka standing over him. "Sorry new girl (Rei, to Shinji.), but he just happens to be my best friend and I can't let some little vixen feel him up." Asuka said in a down putting tone. Shinji wondered if there would be a fight with large ki attacks flying around the school. Damn that Ranma. The two girls didn't start fighting, but the kinetic energy buzzing between the two could have split atoms. "HI ASUKA!" Asuka turned a split second too late as Hikari glomped onto her arm. The brown haired girl gave Asuka a smile that said she wanted to go eat lunch already. After the two had walked off though, Rei remained. She looked at Shinji deviously and, just as she was about to pounce, a strange powder exploded in front of her. When it cleared, Shinji was gone.  
  
Shinji looked around, the gardener's shed was a lot smaller than he remembered. "Thanks for the big save Kaji." He said. He had developed a strong friendship with the school groundskeeper over the years. The two of them had so much in common. "Hey don't mention it, what are friends for eh?" He replied. "Hey, was it your class who got Katsuragi as the new teacher?" "Yeah, she's a real babe huh." Shinji said. Kaji nodded. "Back in my younger days, that beautiful woman and myself use to get up to quite the mischief. Much like you and Asuka actually." Kaji said. His eyes had gone glossy, as he reminisced over old times. "Did you feel her up?" Shinji asked. Kaji grinned at him. "There's no fooling you is there? Yeah, we had our fun. But unfortunately for me, it never really went anywhere." His eyes were going glossy again. "Its almost like fate's given you a second chance eh?" Shinji said as he took a sip of his squash. Kaji suddenly had a very eager smile on his face. "You're wise beyond your years Shinji. I just might take this tasty morsel fate is dangling in front of my nose. And with that, he took off out of the shed. Shinji sat there for a moment more, and then he too left.  
  
In the principal's office, Dr Akagi sat behind her desk trying to look like she was going through some notes. In truth, she was playing counter-strike against the schools three computers, Melchior, Caspar and Balthasar. There was a knock at the door though and Ritsuko jumped knocking papers everywhere. Her secretary, Maya Ibuki entered the room. "Ma'am I, oh dear what a mess. Here let me help you." As the younger woman bent over and began to pick up papers, Ritsuko noticed she could se up her skirt. Her mind started to think very strange things at that point and she mentally slapped herself. "Nice bunnies." She said as Maya stood. Maya gave her a strange look. Ritsuko pointed downwards and Maya went a shade of crimson. "Ma'am, I don't think that's appropriate behaviour for work colleagues." She said shyly. Ritsuko grinned. "The lets become more than colleagues." She said seductively. Maya's eyes widened and she ran screaming from the office. Ritsuko went back to her game cackling madly. "[You really shouldn't say those kind of things.]" Caspar computed. "[People will get the wrong idea.]" Melchior added. "[Maybe I want them too.]" Ritsuko typed back. If they had been able to, both computers would have blushed. Balthasar though, was busy killing the unmanned bots he found in his computer game world.  
  
'Hey Asuka. Hi Hikari." Shinji said as he strolled over, eying the brown haired girl. She had been the apple of his eye for some time now and he really wanted to ask her out. But there was one big problem and it had flaming red hair. "Hey baka, have a seat." Asuka said. Her voice was friendly despite the words she used. "So Hikari, what have you got for lunch." Shinji asked leaning over. While most people would see this as Shinji looking in Hikari's lunch box, he was actually looking down her shirt. "Eyes back in their sockets you hentai." Asuka said with a level tone. Shinji grumbled something under his breath while Hikari remained blissfully unaware. "I have a chicken themed bento box with enough to share!" She exclaimed proudly. Asuka and Shinji looked at each other, nodded and then looked back at Hikari's box.  
  
In another section of the school, Rei, Toji and Kensuke sat eating lunch. They seemed like a strange bunch, but each had a reason for being there. Rei hated Asuka for stealing away her Shinji, Toji hated Asuka because Hikari loved Asuka and Kensuke feared both of their wraths if he didn't go along with them. Okay, okay I didn't say they had good reasons. "Look at them over there." Rei said peering through a pair of binoculars still slung around Kensuke's neck. "They all act so close, that stupid girl has him all to herself!" Rei pouted. Rei was very good at pouting; she had it right down to an art form.  
  
"I know what you mean," Toji agreed. The cord around Kensuke's neck was getting painfully tight. " They may as well be over there making out." Rei suddenly jumped up and smacked Toji over the head. "NEVER! I won't stand by and let that girl have him!" Kensuke breathed a sigh of relief, mainly because he finally could. Both boys joined the over enthusiastic girl by jumping up and pumping their fists into the air. The lunch bell rang though and ruined their chances. "Damn." Said Kensuke. "Oh well, maybe tomorrow." Toji added. Rei fumed at her rotten luck. Her face brightened suddenly though at the prospect of sitting next to Shinji in class.  
  
She cursed her rotten luck again though as he wasn't at class. "Where is Ikari?" She asked Toji. "Oh, he has guitar lessons now. He won't be back for about an hour." Now Rei more than fumed, she went very red. Being the true vixen she is though, she kept her cool and walked calmly over to her seat.  
  
In the music room, Shinji watched attentively as Shigeru, the music teacher showed him the next chord in the song he was learning. Shinji had been playing guitars since he was old enough to hold one. His latest electric guitar was a very nice piece of equipment and gave a great sound. "You reckon you got it then?" Shigeru asked. Shinji nodded. "Lets have a play then." He said. The two of them then began to strum away at their instruments, making enough noise so that the whole school could easily hear. "[Mmm, gotta love that old school rock and roll.]" Hummed Caspar. If Melchior had a head, he would have nodded it in agreement. "[I don't know, I just downloaded this piece and I think it needs the base guitar.]" Said Melchior. Both other computers agreed. "[Don't you have a school to run?]" Typed Ritsuko. All three computers developed sweat-drops, which was highly dangerous considering the high voltage and all. There was a knock at Ritsuko's door, far more timid this time. "Come in Maya." She said. The secretary opened the door and peeked in. "I'm not going to bite." Ritsuko reassured. Maya uneasily stepped into the room and walked over to her boss's desk. "Um. these are. the, the reports you wanted." She stammered. Ritsuko smiled at her. "Thankyou." She said. Maya smiled back and turned to leave. "Oh, before you go, do you think you could explain something to me?" Ritsuko asked. Maya turned back with a slightly horrified look on her face. "What key should I use for these reports?" She finished. Maya's smile returned and she walked back over to the desk. Leaning down in front of the computer screen, she began to move the mouse over the document. "You just go down here and." Ritsuko couldn't help but notice the two large globes of flesh slightly hidden under Maya's top. "So I just go like this." She said. Ritsuko firmly placed her hand over Maya's and began gliding it around the desk. "Actually, I was thinking of changing my computers background to two white globes." Ritsuko grinned and Maya jerked her hand away. "Ma'am, I don't know what you're implying but please." She insisted. "What am I implying?" Ritsuko said teasingly. The false realisation dawned upon her face. "Oooh, you are a feisty one aren't you." She smirked a scary smirk making Maya back into the door. "I. I have reports to file." She stammered as she fumbled with the door handle. "Oh, going so soon?" Ritsuko cooed. She stood and waltzed over to the now near frantic Maya. "Just one more thing." She said. Maya looked at her with shear terror as Ritsuko leant for ward and gave her a gentle. pinch on the side. "You're top button is undone and obviously my more subtle hints were ignored." Maya breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god, for a second there I thought you were that way." Maya laughed. "Maybe I am." Ritsuko smirked as Maya once again ran screaming from her office. When she returned back to her desk she found three messages from her three computers. "[You'll get burned.]" They all said.  
  
Shinji returned to class having finished his music lesson. His time wasn't exactly up, it was just that Shigeru was now in a heated conversation with the third year teacher about suitable noise levels. Upon re-entering the class though, he found his problems were far from over. There were to free desks, one next to Asuka and Hikari and one next to Rei and Toji and apparently Kensuke. He knew if he sat with the girls the taunts about him and Asuka being a married couple would never stop. But Rei was far too close for comfort in his other option. He quickly scooted over and sat down next to Hikari and Asuka. As Misato rabbited on though, he couldn't help but wonder if her hair was slightly more ruffled and her skirt a little higher than it had been that morning. It seemed Kaji was a really fast worker or Misato had just been in a crazy battle with a daemon. Stupid bloody Ranma! "Alright, how was everyone's lunch? I trust you're all ready to get down to some actual work" The class let out a collective sigh. "Oh cheer up, its not that bad. Now everyone open up the writing file on their computers. Done that? Now go into lesson one and complete it. Sned the finished copy to me." With that, Misato lent back in her chair, put her feet up on her desk and attempted to go to sleep. As Shinji casually completed the worksheet on ethics, he came across something he considered of some relevance. 'While I don't, some people find relationships between work colleagues can lead to awkward situations. Ie: being caught in the cupboard.' His work complete, he sent it to Sensei. The look on her face was more then worth the detention he would probably get.  
  
That night, Shinji sat at his desk doing his homework. He had been very surprised when he'd not been set a detention, but now he knew there were worse things than staying behind after school. Two hours of math homework qualified as exponentially worse. 


	2. Alternate Reality 02

A frying pan hissed as Yui Ikari fussed over breakfast for her husband and son. She suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her and a head rest on her shoulder. "You're certainly up early." Yui said. Gendo tightened his grip around her waist and began to kiss up her neck. "Sorry to interrupt the touching moment." Both parents sighed and turned to see Shinji standing in the hallway. "Another early riser, where are my normal boys?" Shinji stuck his tongue out and grabbed an omelette out of the pan. "I'm off to get a little revenge." He called as he ran out the door. Yui looked at the clock on the kitchen wall, 5:59. She sighed and went back to cooking breakfast. "Any chance of a little morning action?" Gendo asked. Yui giggled, something she hadn't done in a while, and turned off the pan. "Well, maybe just a little."  
  
At the apartment of Asuka Langley Sorhyu, Shinji stood talking to Kyoko. "Well, Asuka doesn't usually get out of bed for another half an hour yet, but I won't stand in the way of revenge." She said. Shinji nodded and crept off down the hall. Once outside Asuka's bedroom he carefully opened the door and crept over to her bed. An evil grin spread across his face as he looked down upon her sleeping form. Then with a flick of his wrist, he flung the covers over to the other side of the room. "HOLY SHIT!" Asuka lay under the covers, completely naked! It didn't take his dirty teenage mind to come up with several porno film equivalents of what this could lead to. Asuka stirred though at the sound of his loud curse.  
  
"Hmm, maybe I should've warned him Asuka slept naked?" Kyoko pondered.  
  
Back in Asuka's room, the redhead stirred and slowly opened her eyes. "Wuhh? Shinji? SHINJI!" She suddenly jumped up and punched him square in the nose. This didn't help the problem he already had of it bleeding uncontrollably. "YOU PERVERT!" Kyoko watched with mild amusement as Shinji came tearing out of Asuka's room, narrowly avoiding the thrown alarm clock, which smashed on the wall just behind him. "Have a nice day Shinji." She called as he ran and dived out the front door.  
  
While this happened, Hikari stood at her kitchen bench top preparing lunch for three. "Now, Asuka can't have nuts, Shinji doesn't like tomatoes, well I guess I'll do chicken meals today!" She clasped the large knife to her chest as if it were a treasured item. Standing there in her kitchen, gazing out the window at the rising sun, Hikari sighed dramatically. "If only I could get them together."  
  
Asuka had managed to change into her school uniform at the speed of light and had surprised an out of breath Shinji standing in the lobby. With practiced precision, she did two perfect one handed cartwheels and landed in front of Shinji, pinning him against the wall. Shinji barely had time to realize he'd had a good look at Asuka's yellow bunny undies. But that did sort of pale in comparison to his previous view. "You are the biggest baka known to man!" Asuka growled. "Yes ma'am." Shinji replied. "You should know better than to enter a girls room without her permission." "Yes ma'am." "And what the hell prompted this sudden attack anyway?" Asuka asked in genuine wonder. Shinji felt his blood boil. "Oh you conceited little. You don't think morning after morning of violent waking up routines doesn't warrant a little revenge." Shinji said. "Revenge? Oh you sweet baka, I didn't know you cared enough to take revenge on me." Asuka said as she developed a dreamy gaze over her eyes and skipped out of the lobby and into the street. Shinji scratched his head in confusion. Women were confusing but Asuka was impossible. And so the two of them walked to school together as they always did, albeit about an hour earlier than usual. "Hey Shinji, I don't suppose you had breakfast yet?" Asuka asked. "No." Shinji said shaking his head. "Good. Then lets grab something in this café, your treat." Asuka said walking into the small and quaint little coffee shop. "What...? But how did that." Shinji gave up and followed Asuka into the shop; this was just going to be one of those days. Rei crouched down in the bushes across the street, observing closely the behavioural patterns of Shinji and Asuka. She would find a way between the two of them, come hell or high water she would succeed. Beside her Toji and Kensuke argued over who had more right to use the binoculars. Rei turned and bopped both of them on the head with a baton she kept concealed in her bag. "Ow!" They both complained in unison. "Oh quit your whining, we have work to do." Rei said as she grinned evilly, scaring her two cronies into complying, lest they received another beating. 


End file.
